Killing Perfection
by TCBN
Summary: A Mary Sue has arrived into South Park and has everyone under her spell and its up to Sam(oc), immune to her allures, to take her out before its too late. Sam try and break the spell before she turns the now mindless grade into a species of her own by giving them drugs to make them perfect. Inavertedly, somebody else that nobody suspected saves the day: Kenny.
1. New

Sam rolled his eyes and crossed his arms as Mr Garrison gave his essay back to him, with a large F on the top right corner.

"It's not my fault I can never remember the dates of who colonized what" Sam spat at the teacher's turned back, "bloody essay"

"Calm down, dude, it's just a report" Stan whispered to him

Sam sighed and nearly ripped the report up and flung it on the floor. He really wanted to pass that test.

"I need a beer" Sam muttered as Mr Garrison wrote a brand new date for a new exam coming up.

"We'll do that after school, you in?" Stan grinned as Sam smirked

"Course I am" Sam relaxed a bit

"Pudgy face doesn't need a beer" Cartman roared with laughter and pinched his stomach fat by leaning over.

"Hey, I'm hardly heavier than the second biggest kid: Clyde. Besides, YOU should talk, asshole!" Sam snapped, swatting Cartman off, "freaking 95.4kg and 158 cm tall _fatboy_"

"Why the hell did you memorize my scores in the health test" Cartman glared, double chin worsening as he frowned

"Because the score was so _bad_ that it stuck in my head" Sam spat, laughing along with the ripples of giggles around the room.

"Shut up, Jew" Cartman growled

"Shut up, fatboy" Sam and Kyle screamed on either side of him

"That's enough!" Mr Garrison snapped his chalk in half "Everyone is of normal weight except Cartman. Kenny's underweight and Cartman's obese, end of story"

"You're so poverty stricken" Cartman turned to Kenny, "You suffer pain when shoving that stick around!"

"You're so fat that you can't even fit it in a girl!" Kenny howled, causing everyone to slowly turn and stare at Kenny who laughed in reply.

"Class!" Mr Garrison shouted, "Settle down!"

The class went absolutely silent and all that could be heard was the soft murmur of a hungry stomach.

"Okay children," Mr Garrison drawled, "We have a new kid coming in today and she's from England"

A girl with a well-developed figure walked in with leather boots, a blue skirt and white blouse. She had bright emerald eyes and beautiful sandy hair. She had nit a freckle in sight nor a pimple or pockmark. She looked perfect.

"Hello, everyone" she smiled a sugary greeting

"You don't sound English, you sound Australian, mate" Sam laughed, thinking that her shirt was the dorkiest thing a woman could ever bestow. It wasn't practical and it did nothing to hide anything.

"I was born there, chubby boy" She smirked with a very shocking accent that only Steve Irwin was known for, "I went to England for a few years"

"It's Sam" Sam snapped a little too curtly

"My name is Marla-Anne-Patricia-Martha-Pavlova-Butternut- …" Sam zoned out when she recited her name and snapped back to reality when Mr Garrison cleared his throat

"Okay, please go to your seat" Mr Garrison ordered

"Just call me Marla" she winked, swaggered past the rows of boys and girls and daintily sat down and ripped a smile of pearly whites.

"Why don't we" Marla leaned over, breathing a gross smell of sugary ice-cream in Sam's face, "Do something together after school?"

"Course not" Sam coughed at her breath, "I've got plans with friends"

"But you can join us!" Stan smiled, eyes glassed over in awe

"…Sure she can" Sam lifted a shoulder, "Do you drink?"

"Oh no I don't" Marla shook her perfect head, "I don't drink the stuff, but I'll definitely hang out with you"

Xx

Kyle stared admiringly at her as she talked and giggled about her past and told stories of her life.

"She's really pretty" Kyle whispered to Kenny

"I know, she definitely is" Kenny nodded

"…Then I was abused and assaulted by my father, my aunty dumped me in an orphanage where I was treated like a slave, then I ran away" Marla was going on, "where I ran into my abusive boyfriend who was fluent in ten languages. He bashed me up and left me for dead. Then-"

"How many guys have you dated in your life?" Kenny interrupted the beautiful girl before him

"Well, I had fifteen so far" Marla giggled her tinkling laugh, "But I'm single now"

Sam frowned at this and laughed as Kenny did a very silent fist pump at these words.

"What are you laughing at?" Marla flicked her emerald eyes at Sam, "Thinking of taking advantage of me?"

"You have actually sent me running in the direction of the opposite way to you ever since I saw you" Sam frowned, "I don't think Kenny would even dare-"

"Let's go out tonight, you and I" Kenny leered, taking Marla's hand gently in her own, "I promise I wont let any weirdo people touch you"

Sam could see that Marla was coming off as a fragile little bird that actively invited poachers to chase her and eat her. He could see what Marla was doing and it disconcerted him that absolutely nobody else registered it. Sam sometimes pondered and dreamed about Bebe's ability to ace all of her essays but loved the fact that she had terrible handwriting and was scared of flies. It was what made her human but Marla was far from it.


	2. Allure

Marla screamed as an assailant with a large knife edged towards her, knife glinting in the moonlight, ready to strike. He had on a large oversized leather coat with a hood up. Righting his cap under his hood, he lunged forwards.

"You're dead" he shouted, furious, attempting to scare her off

"HELP! Somebody!" Marla cried uselessly, like a kid lost on a busy mall, "Don't hurt me!"

Why the hell wasn't she running or bashing him up? He wondered.

"I have magical powers!" She threatened

The dude stopped and stifled laughter, "You suck at threats"

He was just about to graze her with the knife when she leapt up and floored him with inhumane strength.

"Let go of me!" he shrieked, batting her off

"Who is the pansy now, asshole!?" Marla laughed, hands pinning him down. She lifted a fist and brought it down into his eye, which blackened after impact. He grabbed her throat and rolled over, starting to choke her, eye aching in unbearable pain.

"Let go of her!" a hilariously dressed boy in a purple jumpsuit with underwear outside his pants roared and threw himself onto the assailant and rolled over him, pinning him down.

"I'll take this as my cue to run off whimpering!" the assailant coughed, hand covering his eye.

"Good!" Mysterion roared and hopped off the boy and went over to tend to the whimpering soul sitting on the sidewalk. The assailant slowly staggered to his feet, head low and ran for the shadows.

"Thanks for saving my life" Marla smiled up at Kenny

"My name is Mysterion" Kenny smiled sweetly, "I make sure crime is at bay and protect innocent little girls from- that sounded weird"

Marla tittered, "That's alright… now lets go on that date you offered… before the memories of what could have happened with that person get to me"

"Of course" he took her hand and led her to a very nice looking restaurant and sat on a table with her.

"Now who is my handsome rescuer's name?" Marla giggled

"That's a secret" he smiled

"Really? Then whom will I call for when I need help?" Marla twirled a strand of her golden locks

"I'll always be watching you" Kenny smiled, "and I'll save you when you need me"

Marla sighed longingly at this, "Thank you"

Kenny could not help but notice a scar on her left cheek, the size of a pea and the shape of a crescent moon.

"How did you get that?" Kenny stared at it

"My mom branded me when I was a baby" she shrugged as if it was perfectly normal for someone to brand their own baby.

Xx

Sam sat on the edge of the bathtub at his home and clutched a bag of frozen peas to his eye. He could feel that there was going to be swelling and bruising. He had to break into his mother's make up to conceal the mess. Someone knocked on his door. Opening the door, he nearly groaned as Stan and Kyle walked in and asked him for help to get Marla to like her. Sam, sighing heavily, walked over tpo the fridge and took out a beer. He slugged the whole bottle before sitting down with them, only to realize that he had now incapacitated himself to give sound advice and his world was spinning.

"So, I think that I should write her a card or maybe give her flowers" Kyle started

Sam laughed sarcastically, drunken "good idea"

"I know, right?" Kyle nodded enthusiastically "I've always wondered what true love was. But now I think I do!"

"Right" Sam burped. He was hating his brain for being so sluggish, especially right now. He knew it was his fault, considering he did drink beer in under two minutes.

"Don't you think she's amazing?" Stan stared at Sam's half asleep figure.

"Shit! Shut up! I hear girls!" Sam shushed them. He knew when they were bitching about anybody or talking smack about anyone, they had to listen for the girls, because everyone knew girls loved gossip. The three boys launched to the bottom of the window and slowly peeked out into the lawn where they saw Wendy and Bebe giggling and walking.

"Oh my, did you see the shoes she was wearing? They were so beautiful!" Bebe giggled in her laugh that always made Sam mindlessly smile in a helpless manner.

"I know! I think I might have seen the shop were those jimmy choose came from!" Wendy clasped her hands together eyes alight with joy.

"Oh we so have to make her co- captain of the cheer team!" Bebe smiled, "she's got those legs!"

Sam had a brief moment's pause to realize that nobody had stopped to ask if Sam's eye was okay. Everyone's faces were too far smothered in Marla's cleavage.

"Guys. I'm going to save you from a mistake" Sam said to his two friends on either side of him, "Marla is evil"

"No she isn't. You're just jealous that she doesn't _like_ you" Stan scoffed

"Dude, you have a girlfriend!" Sam screamed at Stan, laughing hopelessly as the beer worked around his brain.

"She won't mind" Stan smiled


	3. Hatch

Kenny sat in a tree, munching mindlessly on literally two slices of white bread with nothing else on it. Sam walked by and climbed up to him, sitting with him.

"You didn't actually think she's that great" Sam blinked

"Nope" Kenny munched noisily, "whore got what she deserved"

They looked down to see Marla crying hysterically about _a man dressed in purple raping her, after drinking spiked cool aid _Bebe and Wendy sat on either side of her and attempted to console her, saying precariously weird things like _You're beautiful _or _I like your shoes _ rather than being genuinely horrified about the fact that a man in purple was lurking the shadows, ready to screw another innocent soul.

"But I would totally do the blonde" Kenny shrugged

"You're not….. under the spell?" Sam stared at his friend lick crumbs off his fingers

"Nope" Kenny shook his head, "After falling under the spell of… so man different girls and their own allure, I've built an immunity to be helplessly trailed along"

Sam blinked, "You're…. I'm lost"

"Think of it like this" Kenny started, "Lets say that you eat cheese sandwiches ever single day for lunch and breakfast and dinner. After about a month of that and only that you're gonna get bored of it"

"But I love cheese sandwiches" Sam said automatically, looked at his chubbt form and cleared his throat "But carry on"

"After a while, you'll get sick of cheese n' bread" Kenny smiled, "I get sick of the same girl way faster than the average kid"

Sam could have just hugged him there. Kenny was back.

"So… How do we get rid of her?" Sam whispered

"I don't know. We could go ask Kyle to unleash his Jersy antics on her or something" Kenny shrugged

"Sure" Kyle's familiar voice wafted over, up the tree

The duo looked down and saw Marla giving Kyle a white pill the size of an almond. Kenny, being the gymnast was able to vault down on two feet but Sam, being unfit, grunted and struggles down and landed on his face. They both went over in time to see Kyle gulp the pill down and blink, face blank.

"Kyle!" Kenny screamed, grabbing his shoulders, "Shit! What did you take!"

"I want to be perfect" Kyle smiled dreamily, eyeing Marla's figure

"You ARE perfect" Sam said, ignoring the homophobic insult that leapt out of Cartman's mouth nearby, "Flaws are great!"

"No they're not!" Marla scoffed and shoved Kenny and Sam away from Kyle and hugged him close, "Now he's a perfect specimen"

Kyle smiled at this, wrapping an arm that had suddenly turned into tone and muscle around her. He looked much fitter and much healthier. His hair went downwards and every imperfection he had literally vanished.

"Kyle!" Sam screamed stupidly

"Now let's go somewhere" Marla giggled and led him away

"No you may not!" Sam walked forward and shoved Marla over

"Leave my girlfriend alone!" Kyle leapt forward and knocked Sam out square in the jaw, sending a molar flying about ten feet across the yard.

"Hey! You hit our friend!" Kenny snapped, walking past Sam's still figure, blood gushing out his mouth.

"Well, he shoved Marla" Kyle folded his arms

"Hm!" Marla huffed childishly

Kenny backed away from his formerly prude best friend and whore then pelted down the road, freaking out about what to do and how to destroy the woman that made the town fall and lick her perfect toes. Kenny went to the public library and sat on the old worn couch and mused over past events. He remembered Chef's wife was once a sweetheart but revealed to be something much more sinister. Maybe it was that? Maybe if he started chanting in a language in her sleep like in Latin or Hebrew or some ancient scripture. Or maybe if he literally shot her brains out? He wasn't sure….

**What horrible gruesome death should Marla suffer? Get creative and suggest below! Or let me write **


	4. Chapter 4

am and Kenny slowly walked towards the pink three story houses with rose bushes lining the path to the door.

"Dude You're an OC, maybe you should stay out of this one" Kenny turned to him

"But I want to end her as much as you do" Sam said

"It'll make more narrative sense if a canon character does it" Kenny explained

"You sure?" Sam touched his bruised eye tentatively, he sighed at the fact that it was swollen shut and that it was a fright for others to see.

"And the plot arc with you and Bebe never went anywhere" Kenny went on, "Your time's up, go home and wait for me when the credits roll"

Xx

Kenny rolled his eyes as Marla attempted to magically send knives into his skull. He expertly dodged them all and managed to floor her, tying her to the basement's Ping-Pong table. Marla screamed uselessly and cried childishly.

"You know" Kenny circled the table where she struggled, "I understand"

"What do you mean you understand?" Marla stared from below

"I understand why you are so perfect" Kenny answered, "Because you're a representation of what somebody wants to be"

Marla froze up, "How did you know? I worked so hard- I mean so effortlessly to eradicate every flaw!"

"Because every single flaw is a representation of what makes you a human being- I'm sure if I was just good looking and got girls and wasn't poor or sexually aroused so easily, I would be pretty damn boring" Kenny explained, "You see, you can't conveniently send someone to abolish the canon character's boyfriend then step in his place and be the perfect little sunshine and be everything that he wasn't. The same goes for Gary Stu"

"But being perfect is having no flaws!" Marla whined

"Actually" Kenny took out a machete and chopped her legs off. He watched with disinterest as Marla re-grew her limbs back with unseen magic, "Having flaws is what makes you perfect"

Kenny chopped and sliced savagely at Marla's form, using a jerry can of hydraulic acid to pour into her wounds. When he was done he looked at the barely alive girl. He pulled out a can of gasoline and emptied its contents onto the mangled body before lighting a match.

"Later bitch." He dropped the match and walked away as the Mary Sue was engulfed in flames.

LATER.

Stan and Kyle were playing Stan's PS4 when Stan brought up something.

"Dude, what do you think happened to Marla?"

"Who?"

"Marla…. That perfect girl."

"Never heard of her."

"But she-You know what, screw it." That said they returned to their videogame."

the end


End file.
